Dear Phil Liz and Lucy

14 May 2006 (#001)
Six Dollars for Gas

And now, another edition of Today Last Week.

As we all know, the weekend news can be a little slow. So, what's the headline for this weekend in Toronto?

NEWSCASTER: The price of fuel at marinas around Lake Simcoe and Couchiching this weekend range from $1.20 to $1.34 for mid-grade. And that has boaters looking for more ways to save a little.

Wow! That's a big outrage! We're paying $6 US for a gallon of gas!

And now, our moment of zen, care of the former Prime Minister of Singapore.

GOH CHOK TONG: To compare this result with any other result, to recieve 66.6%, it's overwhelming! It's overwhelming.

It's so "overwhelming" it's the same result as last election result!

GOH CHOK TONG: It's so, ughh, it's a very good result.

It's such a "good result" it's the same result as last election's result.

7 May 2006 (#001)
Election Fork

And now, here is Today Last Week. Current affairs taken out of context.

A candidate in the Singapore elections has proposed to legalise full-frontal nudity.

CLIP: Please! Give me the opportunity to show myself!

Meanwhile, in other news, a Montreal boy of Filipino descent has been called a "pig" for using a fork and a spoon at school to eat.

MIKE: What? What are you supposed to do? Eat like a cow?!?

And now, our moment of zen.

NEWSCASTER: (Singaporean Opposition leader) Chee Soon Juan arrived at the end of the rally, and tried to get onstage, but was stopped by the police. He is not an approved speaker, and is already being investigated for allegedly speaking to the crowd illegally.

Out now: Artist Interviews and more relaxed Current Affairs issues! Centre Street , on broadcast and podcast.

The most interesting airline complaint yet. The person wants a refund because of bad relatives!

Dear Air Canada, OK?

I need a refund OK? I came to Vancouver OK? And the Si Pehs, so si peh OK? I want a refund OK?

Sincerely, OK?
Prudence Tam.

The audio version can be found here .

Artist Interviews and more relaxed Current Affairs issues! Centre Street , on broadcast and podcast!

Another Phil Liz and Lucy investigation...

Welcome to Media Beepups, I'm Phillip Hong.

Today we're going to check out a community newspaper. On the front page of the Vaughan Citizen, March 9th edition, there is an article about the coming subway announcement in Toronto:

TALK OF SUBWAY CASH HAS CITY ON ITS TOES; RACCO WON'T CONFIRM FUNDS IN BUDGET.

It's pretty interesting, actually, it's very informative. But it asks you to:

SEE VIVA, PAGE 8

-- because, of course, the article continues on Page 8. Yet, when we go to Page 8, there is no article. So where is it?

VIVA PLANNED WITH SUBWAY IN MIND.

And where is it? PAGE 18. I'm not sure about you, but this is an easy typo, on the FRONT PAGE of the Vaughan Citizen, that can be corrected.

The audio version can be found here .

Out now: Artist Interviews and more relaxed Current Affairs issues! Centre Street , on broadcast and podcast.

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

Brushing my kitty that is full of fur, I am apalled at the interpretation of a woman's voice. Why can't you find real women to do the female parts of your scripts, instead of acting grubby and re-enacting a voice similar to an American with a pole shoved up his butt?

Must I remind you that I do remember a time when you did have women in your broadcast, and I want the full Monty... okay the full Monique, in having women participate in your sorry broadcast.

Please take my kind consideration seriously and with focus.

Sincerely,
Donna from Le Pas, Manitoba

The audio version can be found here .

Coming soon: Artist Interviews and more relaxed Current Affairs issues! Centre Street , coming soon to broadcast and podcast.

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

As you know, time is of the essence. However, see to the fact that you have released only one segment this week, I must say. You are a hypocrite!

Of course, I sent you around seven letters complaining about this so far. This explains why you don't answer to listener mail that frequently. This morning, a messenger arrived at my door, handing me a restraining order that tells me not to approach any of you within 100 metres of me.

I don't get your game. I love you guys! Don't forget to say Hi when I park my mobile home in front of your door!

Sincerely,
Rhonda, Travelling across this great country.
(Otherwise no fixed address.)

The audio version can be found here .

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

Consider this. In mainstream radio, there is always the dedicated duo or trio that works on the prestigious morning show.

Quite recently in a major Canadian city, a very popular duo was sacked by a greedy radio station because their ratings had dropped. The public gave the decision hell and eventually one of the two that wasn't dumped was put back in the morning show chair amongst high ratings.

Do not dare or do the same, Phil Liz and Lucy owners. Not that I like you guys to that point, but if you guys are really THAT good no one should fire you. Annoy the hell out of them!

Sincerely,
Richard from Waterloo, Ontario

The audio version can be found here .

A "Dear Phil Liz and Lucy" scrutinization.

Now that we've given you a little listener feedback in the form of "fan mail", we will now show you a more scrutinizing side of Dear Phil Liz and Lucy.

On the twelth page of "Brand New Planet", which is a publication published to children by the Toronto Star, there is an article about the Olympics. It's called "Italiano -- Get ready for Turin with some Italian words of the week".

Ten useful Italian expressions to know is part of this article, and the first expression says:

Io sono Canadese/Americana.

The paper believes this means "I am Canadian". As you can see, "Americana" is more than likely the Italian word for American. So why did they print "Americana"?

Keep in mind Italians may understand 'Americana better than Canadese'

So you're telling me, you don't understand your own language? That's basically what the paper's saying.

Are you sure, Toronto Star, that the Italians don't understand their own language? It seems that the Toronto Star thinks that we are Americans eh?

Well! I'm Phillip Hong!

The audio version can be found here .

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

I must say that your show is behind the times. If you hadn't noticed already, you are behind the times. Radio comedy is dead. In a world where everything can be downloaded at your fingertips, you are certainly not trendy.

For example, I assume your segment MoveMania is based on that dance song from 1995. 1995! That's over 10 years ago! Are you sure you are trying to cater to today's young adults, or trying to bring in the era of Bill Clinton again?

I don't believe you guys are even teenagers. You certainly sound a lot more older.

How can I believe you?

Sincerely,
Tammy from Little Rock, Arkansas

The audio version can be found here .

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

I am an Aussie currently vacationing in Toronto. Canada is a marvellous place when you see different corners of it, but that is where the compliments end.

I would like to know - why do you not provide information on how and where to go in your Move Mania segments? You boast your travel segment as the 'Lonely Planet' of radio, yet, you do not tell your audiences how to go and where to go.

Of course, the Lonely Planet television series doesn't provide you these details either. And then you are an entertainment programme. Well, keep up the good work then.

Sincerely,
Janette from Wollongong, New South Wales

The audio version can be found here .

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

Thank you for making me become environmentally conscious.

One day, at the Upper Canada Mall in Newmarket, I was eating at the Food Court.

Phil came to me and told me "Hey! You can put your plastic plate in the recycling bin, you know." Then, he explained to me that garbage is not good for Mother Earth and that global warming would kill us if I didn't help.

So I have educated myself on the subject, and I would like to say Thank You.

Sincerely,
Tristan from Schomberg, Ontario

The audio version can be found here .

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

I am disappointed that you have only published two letters of feedback so far. Weren't you in broadcasting for over nine years? Are two letters the only feedback you have had so far?

You cannot measure the disgust I have for your segment. I have spent over $12.50 sending feedback letters to you for the past five years, and not one letter from me has been read out on the air so far.

I will visit you and stalk you until you read one of my letters.

Sincerely,
Lianna from Richmond Hill, Ontario

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

My daughter, Cheryl, recently requested a song to be played on your programme.

She had requested a song from the punk-imitation band Good Charlotte. When the producer of your programme telephoned us back, she explained that you do not play commercial music anymore, even producing a parody of a commercial song to prove your point. I found it very funny. My daughter, however, thought otherwise.

Though my Cheryl will never listen to your programme again, you have gained yet another listener. Bravo.

Thank you, Phil Liz and Lucy, for supporting independent artists.

Sincerely,
Ronald from Sherbrooke, Quebec

Dear Phil Liz and Lucy...

Thank you for building the swimming pool for myself and my family.

When my 8-year-old son, weighing at two grams, farted half his weight out, you guys came to help. Instead of paying for the necessary treatment at Sick Children's Hospital downtown in order for my son to weigh more than a gram, you came out to build a swimming pool for us. We still enjoy the shoddy construction and almost-poor quality material. You sure have surprised us by building a pool from four pieces of plywood and a bunch of nails.

Thank you, Phil Liz and Lucy, for your misled help.

Sincerely,
Bonnie from Kleinburg, Ontario

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