What's behind the curtain? Rupert Murdoch, Alan Sugar, Buck Rogers, Rat pies and Foreskins
- Bring Back Mercia2015/06/12
Lurking Left-wing Scrumpers, Cliff's humiliating first summer holiday, accidental cock squeezing, ripping down the wallpaper and finding hammers up the harris
- Hollow Full Of Head / A Head Full Of Hollow2015/04/17
In bed with Aleister Crowley... clacking clackers... leathery balls... stem cell testing on Dickie Davis...
- I Am Cuthbert!2015/02/01
Dogs and dark forces... Westminster peadophiles... Pills, thrills and Leon Brittan's lapels
- Cup Of Tea Mum / Touching The Periphery2014/12/09
Haggis mocking and Scottish Stockholm syndrome, Cameron's Savile Row sentinels... plus Ronnie and Reggie Kray discuss periphery touching
- These Fings Take Time2014/10/24
Ballooning with Stephen Fry, digging holes with Omar Sharif, showering with Nigel Farage, beheading with the Borgias and much, much more
- I'm Glad Im Not You day2014/09/01
Pickled testicles, wastes of spaces, Holly Willoughby, exposed flesh, Andy Warhol, breakdancing and avoiding the madness
- First of the Gang to Die2014/08/03
The sartorial shortcomings of Hare Krishna. Taking a fence with Warwick Davis and Kenny Baker, going on about Star Wars and the Krays cutting up Eastenders
- Diggin in the dirt for spuds - East Meets West Again2014/06/22
The Colonel and Sage return with Heather Mills' missing leg, Farage, Judo, sexual malformities, one finger techniques, kippers, the late Bob Hoskins and Moses
- Burn Your Credit card For Fuel2014/04/12
The secret crimes of David Hasselhoff, health and safety tips for Neil Young, the shady history of David Cameron's ancestors and the Colonel's bladder problems
- The Genius of the Crowd2014/03/16
The Colonel, Sage and Ronnie return with the first new episode of 2014 - metaphoric kipper ties, Showaddywaddy, the true story of the Titanic and Sage's disreputable mother all on the table of discussion today
The Colonel, Sage and Ronnie mull over the issues of the day including Broadmoor games with Peter Sutcliffe, wrestling with Richard Harris and weapons of mass destruction
- Elevenses, Wet Wallies and Lobbyists2013/11/24
The colonel and Sage discuss the working classes, leaky Tories, World War buggery and the insightful proclamations of the cook Jamie Oliver
- The Loon Goon-Paddy Power, Let Them Eat Smash!2013/10/19
The Colonel and Sage return with the Loon Goon in the studio - an Irish revolutionary who witnessed Theresa May boiling immigrant children cackling with a salivating Eric Pickles sat at the table waiting for his din dins
- Used Prophylactics in The Punch Bowl2013/07/29
Fun and games with the Colonel and Sage
- Rasta don't work for no CIA2013/07/07
But uncle Thomas Does!
- Slip Em a Fiver And Ask Em To Do a Favour2013/05/21
Slip Em a Fiver And Ask Em To Do a Favour
- Who Shot the Red Baron?2013/05/06
The strange disappearance of the Colonel's wife, The Parker pen thermometer, The Red Baron and tight pockets
- Whistle Your Way To The top!2013/04/20
Wow, the Colonel and Sage return, Scottish bottoms, David Icke and Wogan's elbows, burning Volkswagens, padeophile Priests and Roger Whittaker
- The Mud Men of the Fjords2013/03/10
Etheral nature of existence, teddy boys, powdered milk, fish farming, mud men and also some spunk
- Who put the B.O. in Bohemia2013/02/24
Zionists, cockney mars bars, limericks and guess the smell with The King of the Bohemians - Iron Foot Jack
- Macabre Machinations2013/02/10
Lonnie Donegan's baton, chocolatiering fat bastards, strange DIY, Litvinenko and the Scientologists, what happens under the arches in Vauxhall...
- The World is an Elitist Swag Bag2012/12/12
Getting rid of prostitutes, necrophilia, Barack Obama, General Custer, Robbie Williams and much much more
- The Maiden Tribute of Modern Babylon!!2012/11/26
New episode with the Colonel, Sage and the team... Turkish baths, Jimmy Savile Row, Thatcher's sweet shop and Nobby the fisherman
- Grappling Grabs trade secrets and Royal Rumbles2012/11/11
Colonel and Sage discuss the burning issues of the day including James Bond, Royal tits, compassionate robocops, brain draining and the grab, the grab
- Egging The Omelette2012/10/28
The Colonel and Sage are back back back with a new series... itchy bottoms... Boris the cyclist... Lord Coe... but is it art?
- We Didn’t Start The Fire! But You Have To Start The Fire If You Want To make A Change!2012/08/05
Last in the series... What happened to Prince Philip's testicles during the Jubilee?... The Colonel gets in trouble with the Royals...
- Pull Your Socks Up and Sort Yourselves Out!2012/07/22
Thumbs up with the Fonz, Louis Walsh and sexual health, Pam Ayres, gay ebay, boiling piss, colour, light and stabbing in the dark
- A Right Fry Up - We're All Out Of Our Brains Or At Least My Friends Are!2012/06/24
Who killed Rober Kennedy? Who is God's dentist? And this summer's narcotic Olympics
- One Hundred And Fifty Not Out and He Still Has His Pads On!2012/06/10
Party time for Sage and the Colonel... Doing business with dwarves, Brando's favourite biscuits and Ron shifts a paradigm with a knife.
- Suck It And See!2012/05/13
Episode 149 with Sage and the Colonel - How do you do what you do to me? Suck it and see!
- The Tewenty Seven Club. Lightweights only2012/04/30
Swinging England, Brian Jones and the otherlightweights, David Walliams in the Thames, redheads and the Royals, Cheggers in the trenches
- Vapor Rooms, Formaldehyde And The Turner Prize2012/04/17
Men together in the Poplar Vapour Rooms... Pressing trousers... Lord Lucan... glory holes... the Colonel's outrageous plan on how to keep the Falklands safe... all finished off with some toilet trouble
- Hung Up On Meat Hooks (don't do me like that!)2012/03/31
Crabtree and Sage return with a new series! A journey into the darkness... Georgie Fame, Water Buffalo, homeless people, Rita Marley, ginormous erections, the Hallal pill crusade
- Woggle Madness and Clutch Problems2012/03/18
Pre series special - Woggle Madness and Clutch Problems
- Great Expectations2012/02/12
Who is the Colonel's famous long lost great grandchild? Are Terry's better than Dirk's? What did Crabtree do to Mrs Haversham? Last in the series
- Ayahuasca and Other Such Stories2012/01/29
Psychedelic exploring... up the Amazon in a dress... coming serpents... Claire Sweeney salivating in Jack boots... on being Anne Frank one evening 1945, with just her sister at her side... the horror! the horror!
- A fluffy revolution2012/01/15
Experimenting with polar bears, cous cous, Mick McCarthy, revolution
- Stop the clocks I want to get off - Mid series special2011/12/31
Midseries special from the Colonel and Sage
- Christmas Special - Ebony and Ivory all in it together2011/12/23
Festive fun with the Colonel's Christmas Special - Ebony and Ivory all in it together... doing it for the kids
- Crumbs of Crowley2011/12/18
The Colonel recounts time spent with Aleister Crowley. The dark arts, ducks, leather pants, Mike Yarwood and other satantic stuff and nonsense
- Murder Without Conviction2011/12/04
We discover various high profile 'indiscretions' by the Colonel that links him with some of the most historical assissinationsof the 20th Century. In addition, a Scotsman is unfortunate.
- Falling over with Miranda2011/11/20
Twisting with Sage and the Colonel... The despicably evil plan of the great inventor Otis Van Strapon, involving Miranda Hart and falling over. The Chinese, Stacia Blake and Liptons Tea??
- You do the fighting, I'll do the talking2011/11/07
Rantsville - Archbishops, big society, the French, David Cameron the shit... the Colonel gets a bit wound up with them all
- The fly killer runs a mock2011/10/16
Who are we? Blaming the wife, getting conned by the YMCA, Ku Klux Klan, inspecting hard drives and fisticuffs with the Angel Gabriel
- Mein Cucumbers2011/10/02
This week Eva Peron, Muslim knock knock jokes, toffs and cultivating cucumbers
- The art of seduction2011/09/18
New Series! Sleeping with mothers. Standing and delivering. Anyone for tennis, diving or pool? And getting throttled by the Krays
- Land of Hope and Gory2011/09/04
I predict a riot... Series special with the Colonel, Ronnie Kray and the rest. Arse, skinheads, flagpoles, riots and looting gobstoppers. How to get a job at the BBC and how to hire a chimney sweep. At the end of the day, give them six of the best and have a cup of tea.
- Episode Special - Hollywood Conspiracy with Wigs2011/08/20
The Madame Tassaud’s Scandal, the Colonel’s role in the killing of Osama Bin Laden… what really goes on in the Playboy mansion. The joy of auto asphyxiation. How to make porridge… and how Ted Rogers helped out Al Qaeda
- Suffragette Transparency2011/08/01
Hello Sailor! Been caught stealing... Compromising photographs of Prince Philip... did she jump or was she pushed? Getting it out in the open... Last in the series
- Food and oil issues2011/07/03
Starting from the bottom up with Ronald McDonald... who killed Victor Hugo? Sexual harassement in the trenches
- Tales from Berlin2011/06/19
The buggerer's buggerer, the trench wench, Ken Dodd's feather duster, Dr Who is compromised, dealing with the youth and being unkind to Israelis and who the hell's Max Miller?
- Colonel Gaddafi's pantomine horse2011/06/05
The metaphysical power of the Aztec sausage, Charlie Sheen's strategy for Libya, the confusion over the Karate Kid, Brian Cox and Opera
- The Tales of a Gay Romper Stomper2011/05/21
John Galliano, Romper Stompers, tattoos, favouring Muslimists, kidnapping cats
- Smoke Screens - Wikileaks2011/05/08
Is wikileaks a smokescreen for a bigger stink? Is Prince Philip a deviant? Where is the clown with the bulge in his trousers?
- Twin Towers, illusionists and film makers2011/04/23
The Twin Towers conspiracy, hijra, Rogered Milliband and tightening nuts, all in a day's work for Crabtree and Sage
- Oh The Good Life (until someone causes trouble)2011/04/10
Sage is joined by both the Colonel and Ronnie... they discuss Bolshevism, hurting rabbits and Sting and William Hague's plan to steal from old people
- Short Term Ice Dancing2011/03/27
Richard Keys and Andy Gray, man on man affection, all you ever wanted to know about corned beef and freeze dried haemeroids
- Woe betide the eunuchs2011/03/13
The Colonel returns with series 13. Peace in our time, paying for sex, double headed spying... the first goon show, shitting in holes
- Stealing from Sainsburys2011/02/06
Stealing from Sainburys and blinding the Police. Hitting people with guitars, pissing blood and hypnotising Court Judges... all in a days work for the Colonel.
- Surviving Armageddon up Ben Nevis2011/01/23
Who will best survive in a post-apocalyptic world? Sage or Crabtree? And which one will end up starving to death in Wales? Which of the oldies has the best sperm to re-populate the new world? Rubbing sticks, collecting mushrooms and Danny La Rue are all discussed as Sage and the Colonel discuss their prospects after armageddon.
- Empire Building with Ron and Reg2011/01/08
Ronnie and Reggie Kray return from the grave discuss their future plans, which include pickling and Boris Karloff. Also, a message from Alvin Lindwall who discusses breathing in Hitler dust, cannibalism and why it’s all God’s fault.
- Merry Christmas Everyone2010/12/24
Get into the Christmas spirit with the Colonel, Sage, Ron and the rest of the team. The studio is filled with love as they discuss the Colonel's failed suicide bombing Son. Also, is the Colonel the real father of David Cameron's children?
- Poking with a stick2010/12/12
To poke or to blow up? The Vanstrapulater, sneaking into Heaven through the back door, Hitler or Gandhi?... Last in this series.
- Erotic Pulsations2010/12/04
The pulsating movements of Louie Spence... The Colonel launches an appeal for the victims of the recent great floods in Kingston Upon Thames... find out what did Ronnie Kray do to Duncan Bannatyne... Don't listen to this whilst eating...
Does the original version of the last supper prove that Jesus was either Australian or gay? What was Satan so upset about? Where did Michael Jackson put his finger?
- God's punishment and other controversies2010/11/19
The Colonel airs his controversial views on Olympic training, religionist's views on punishing limp wristers, how to achieve a distinctive swagger with the 'walnut trick' and does God wear a wig?
- Gurkha Issues2010/11/07
A Frenchman on the run, banning Gurkhas, pumping children full of Jesus, phone sex with Bishops and Boris and his Johnson
- The Pathfinders2010/11/01
The sorry tale of Tiddler Terry, sat in a tree... also... Dawn Clench... Vince Cable's Hitler moustache and why Mugabe demands respect
- The wrong end of the stick2010/10/23
Boxing with Denis Healey, farting with Evelyn Waugh and wanking with Edith Piaf... all in a days work for the Colonel
- While the Watcher watches you...2010/10/17
Cat Stevens, split anuses, poor people and sausages, problems with permanent erections, how to make a slush puppy
- Tourettes all round2010/10/10
Problems with Philip Schofield's poppers, Piers Morgan runs a Mosque, the English Defence League has tourettes... Roger Agogo goes mad
- When life gives you lemons...2010/09/26
The Colonel returns with a new series... Secret lemonade drinking, The Duke of Wellington, hanging around lavatories, bloody Boris's pushbikes, trouble on the buses
- Stalking Jennifer Aniston2010/09/19
Walking on the wild side with Danny La Rue, stalking Jennifer Aniston with Dr. Legg, trespassing with Wayne Rooney and kiddy fiddling with the Pope... all in a day's work for the Colonel
- Ron and Reg reunion2010/09/12
Before the new series begins, Ronnie and Reggie Kray enjoy a reunion. They discuss what a rubbish decorator Jackson Pollock was, cafes, Star Trek and Ron’s sexual preferences.
- Royal Scandal Bank Holiday Special2010/08/29
A drunken Colonel witters about taking drugs with the Royal family, his plan to take back India for the Empire and putting chilli peppers up the Kyber pass. There is a delightful summer song about self love and then the Colonel spews all over himself.
- Knob Brothers Q and As2010/08/20
The Knob Brothers, the very aged rockers, are in the studio discussing their days in the music industry... old novelty records, Joe Meek, groupies, the management style of the Colonel and the size of their knobs
- Film Review with Jock Spalding2010/08/08
Sage’s attempt at a cultural film review has mixed results as Jock Spalding is invited to the studio to discuss Herzog’s Fitzcarraldo and Tarkovsky’s Stalker… then he gets his knob out and things take a turn for the worse.
- Golden kangeroo balls2010/08/01
Marmite bagels, naughty Jews, limp wristed German sheep, the location of Lord Lucan and golden kangeroo balls... the chaos continues in the last in this series... special episode next week!
- Give Mossad a call2010/07/18
Can Sue Pollard do the splits? Who does Sting think he is? What do Mossad want with Shane Ritchie? Are the Colonel's social policies too extreme? These and many other questions will be partially answered at best in this weeks episode... you can probably answer that last question yourselves to be honest.
- Geri Halliwell and the Fanshaw Candelabra Story2010/07/04
The beautifully retarded Cheryl Cole and a case of mistaken identity involving Geri Halliwell and Fanshaw Candelabra... for the second week in a row - no one gets 'cut'
- In Cold Blood2010/06/27
Truman Capote, Mick McCarthy, Fanshaw Candelabra and Ronnie Kray all join the Colonel and Sage in the studio this week, luckily, no one gets 'cut'
- Saddam's Weapon of mass destruction uncovered2010/06/20
The Colonel recalls how he accidently started the Iraq War when inspecting Saddam's bunker... also - carving up Arabia and killing Jeremy Paxman
- Caught with ya pants down2010/06/05
Flashing at the Chilton enquiry, Bill Gates killing Germans, Peter Tatchell's soft spots, defending Quinten Crisp, offending the Irish
- French and Italian issues2010/05/30
A lonely little man from Clapham... Oliver fist... loosing sense of reality... talking sex and celibacy... shooting Italians in the backside... The naked flesh of Jane Fonda
- The Colonel's hermaphrodite lost love2010/05/22
Hermaphrodites are on the table this week as the Colonel reveals his lost love. Lady Gaga, Tarkovsky and codpieces are also on the agenda
- Transvestite whales?2010/05/16
Martin Luther King, Transvestite whales, teenage pregnancy and why not to suck on used tampons
- Sage in perverted mode - the new Series begins2010/05/09
Fisters, twisters and lispers... The Colonel reviews the Knob Brothers new songs... bad language and questionable comments are unleashed
- Vote Crabtree! - Election Special2010/05/02
Prior to the new series of the Colonel's radioshow, we present the Colonel's Election Special - the Colonel outlines his policies and expresses exactly how he feels about Cameron, Clegg and Browntrousers
- The Knob Brothers speak2010/03/14
Before a new series of the Colonel Radioshow kicks off we have the Knob Brothers memoirs... including Curdled custard, dirty books, dirty girls, quantum physics and Joe Meek the f**ker
- Michael Jackson's new nose and other stories2010/02/14
Getting to the knob of the matter with Peter Sellers and his rubber nose, Lionel Ritchie and his penis, the Pope and his arse and Michael Jackson and his puppets... Last in the current series
- Jealous of Jonathan Ross2010/02/07
Havoc in the studio, Mick McCarthy get cut, Jacques Kallis gets cut... there's talk of abusing Barry Manilow and the Colonel accusses Sage of professional jealousy
- Freedom of Speechless2010/01/31
Should we grab Lord Mandelson around the neck, strangle the life out of him and feed him to vegetarians? Should we worry about Communists, Fascists and the Alabama 3?
- Poetry Corner2010/01/24
A poetry reading descends into farce when the Colonel accuses Derek Pringle of raping Sage... The Colonel dissects the Bible and concludes that it is all bollocks.
- Trudi Stings Gary Linekar2010/01/17
What happened when the Colonel is invited to a Tuscan orgy by Sting and Trudie Styler and the strange case of Gary Linekar and a bag of salt 'n' shake
- The Death of Poetry2010/01/09
Episode 100! Jock Strap, Sage in poetic mood and never twist a fister.
- Leg touching and limp wristed immigration2010/01/03
Leg touching in the cinema, Johnny Lydon the hypocrite, remarkably dressed Muslims, the Colonel outlines his immigration policies.
- Colonel's Christmas Speech2009/12/24
The Colonel delivers his Christmas message to the Nation. Ronnie Kray accidentally spoils Christmas and then he spoils it again (by accident).
- Colonel's Christmas Special2009/12/19
Tea bagging with The Queen Mum, pogoing with Prince Philip and the Colonel's special Christmas 'Peace' Mission to Afghanistan... next Thursday the Colonel delivers his Christmas message
- Oh dear Sydney!2009/12/06
Fisting with the Pet Shop Boys, Ronnie's naughty tailer, a dead foot on the shoulder and re-cycling with Ronnie
- Family values2009/11/28
Reggie and Ronnie oven gloves... A new Ronnie scam involving young boys selling household goods door to door... someone is going to get cut. Anybody want some Staminol?
- Tax avoidance suggestions2009/11/17
Series 10 begins with Ronnie Kray... more tax avoidance ideas with the story of Philip Jenkins - Inland Revenue 'employee of the month' who ended up with a leek sticking out of his bottom.
- Memoirs of the Knobs2009/11/08
Using Michael Jackson's nose, the abuse of Adrian Chiles and what did Cliff Richard rub into the bottoms of the Knob Brothers?
- From humble beginnings to nothingness2009/10/28
Corrected mp3 link from previous!... sorry old chaps... The perils of rubbing Algipan on your Johnson... The Colonel introduces The Knob Brothers... tan chords and slip on shoes...the milking of Mark Lester
- I believe I can fly2009/10/13
Welcome back Colonel!... Rosa Parks sat down so that Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so that Barack Obama could run, Barack Obama ran so that our children could fly like R Kelly... Are all the problems over now we have a black man in the White House? Last in the current series
- Will Ronnie live again?2009/10/04
Final episode with Ronnie - including more tales of his protection racket in Purgatory with Ghandi, Frank Sinatra, Francis Bacon, Millets and Jesus... Ronnie finally gets his money. the Colonel returns from his tour of the USA next week!
- Zeus in a headlock2009/09/27
The Krays plan their return to Earth by kidnapping Jesus, sticking him in the cupboard with Ghandi and blackmailing God... they plan to take over the bodies of the Kemp Bros.... failing that Ant and Dec... failing that, the Chuckle Brothers.
- Threatening Jesus2009/09/20
Ronnie Kray is still back from the dead, revealing more of his adventures in purgatory... shooting Jesus... nicking the head of John the Baptist and admiring the Prophet Mohammed's large sword...
- Threatening God2009/09/13
Madness in the studio as the spirit of Ronnie Kray continues to control the body of medium Josie VanStrapon... Ronnie continues his tales from purgatory, explaining his extortion racket on the River Styx, why he had to 'cut' the Charon and why he had to threaten God
- Live Seance2009/08/30
Spooky... The spirit of Ronnie Kray is summoned during a live seance with Sage. Ronnie's constant threats to 'cut' Sage are interspersed with frightening tales including the sewing up of Cliff Richard's Anus and Gandhi's sexual prowess in the afterlife.
- Kipper ties as a force for good2009/08/23
- Cock on air2009/08/09
- The mad axmen2009/07/28
- Ronnie Kray's Flat2009/07/18
- Mick Bloody McCarthy2009/07/12
- Salt beef and foot fetishes2009/07/05
- J-Lo's knickers2009/06/28
- Who is the Pubic monster?2009/06/21
- Large proboscises2009/06/07
- I blame Ringo Starr2009/06/02
- Pouring petrol2009/05/23
- I was Ronnie Kray's driver2009/05/14
- Teabagging the Prime Minister2009/05/03
- Lewd subject matter2009/04/25
- Holiday Episode2009/04/02
- Transvestite Dancer2009/03/29
- Guess the smell with Ewan Mcgregor2009/03/15
- Turkish baths and bendiness2009/03/04
- Killer Puppies2009/02/25
- What a cock up2009/02/15
- Who is Sir Robert Trouser?2009/02/08
- The Gary Glitter incident2009/02/02
- Soapsuds and Jockstraps2009/01/25
- Happy New Year2009/01/11
- Homemade Condoms2009/01/04
- Unnatural Kinks2008/12/27
- The smoking ban, personal freedom and cheese2008/12/14
- Goats, Popes and Necrophilia2008/11/30
- Illuminati - Squeezing the truth out2008/11/22
- Liberals Jockstrap2008/11/10
- HERE IS THE NEWS2008/10/27
- The Colonel Attacks!2008/10/19
- Desmond in a Tutu2008/10/12
- The wonderful Heather McCartney/Mills and other tales2008/10/05
- Did Princess Di have a third son?2008/09/27
- Royal Prostate on Ebay2008/09/21
- Softening extremities2008/09/14
- Peeling testicles2008/09/07
- Naked Berzerking2008/08/31
- The Disappearance of Brian May2008/08/24
- Apologies to the Pope2008/08/16
- The Phantom Returns2008/08/09
- World Wide Wank2008/08/03
- Kill Em All!2008/07/13
- Scientologist cults2008/07/05
- Who stole Kevin Costner's tights?2008/06/21
- Goosed by a goosestepper2008/06/14
- Heather McCartney's missing leg2008/06/07
- Never play darts with Hitler2008/05/31
- Amused to the point of disgust2008/05/25
- Evangelical sniper2008/05/20
- Licking Balls2008/05/11
- NEWS FLASH: J-Lo to be skinned alive2008/04/26
- Psychic false teeth2008/04/19
- Wu Tang Clan in tights2008/04/12
- Plastic vaginas2008/04/06
- Gandhi loses his temper2008/03/29
- Beefy Botham eats an umpire2008/03/23
- Pictures of Penises2008/03/18
- Bizarre Celebrity fishing trip2008/03/11
- Training Mosquitos2008/03/01
- Stealing Bono's Trousers2008/02/23
- Beware the sausage!2008/02/16
- Poor parenting skills2008/02/09
- Violating giant puppetry2008/02/02
- Jackson Clan and El Rabbito2008/01/26
- Leatherclad nipple tweaking2008/01/19
- Britney Spears2008/01/12
- Pillow talk2008/01/05
- Hellfire Club2007/12/29
- Hairless balls2007/12/22
- Ugly babies2007/12/15