Tweet Me Harder

  1. Tweet Me Harder 1: Parka Car Wash2009/06/03
    Kris and David discuss telling stories with toilet paper, the ethics of bikini car washes, whether or not Malibu Jim believes in his products, and more.
  2. Tweet Me Harder 2: Houses Made of Bones2009/06/10
    Kris and David share listener tales of Unanticipated Victories, and debate the moral repercussions of a free gumball, the etymology of the drumstick, and how American economic policy keeps its citizens safe from blackjacking.
  3. Tweet Me Harder 3: Hammerin' Hornets2009/06/16
    Kris and David discuss Hubristic Missteps, including the karmic tale of a woman assaulted by the entire food chain and a toddler having problems with cereal.
  4. Tweet Me Harder 4: The Hogwashers2009/06/22
    Kris and David debate whether the world around Garfield exists because he wills it, whether the Mercury Mariner is amphibious, and dispense advice to tweetsfolk that occasionally brushes butterfly-fingertips with cogency.
  5. Tweet Me Harder 5: Feed My Turtles2009/07/01
    Kris and David explain how developing a sense of taste can ruin your life, then explore listener tales of Lengthy Obligations and invent a radical new automotive braking system.
  6. Tweet Me Harder 6: My Dear Minnie2009/07/08
    Kris explains at loving length a cherished, saucy memory from his past, and David applies scientific rigor to see if it ever actually happened. Also, advice for the unmotivated, and 10-year-old Kris and David write novels.
  7. Tweet Me Harder 7: Escape From the Dentist2009/07/15
    Kris and David consider the destruction of the modern world, number Larry King's nipples easily into the dozens, and follow up with Kris' brother Kurt regarding the 'Dear Minnie' business from TMH6.
  8. Tweet Me Harder 8: The Centrifuge Method2009/07/19
    Kris and David relish their graying plumage, completely revolutionize the masking-baldness industry, and ponder the long-term benefits of perfect attendance.
  9. Tweet Me Harder 9: A Secret Isthmus2009/07/31
    Kris and David ponder the ramifications of undersea time travel, explain three easy ways to simplify your life, debate the preferred method of throwing telephones at your friends and start a bitter feud.
  10. Tweet Me Harder 10: Fireworks2009/08/07
    Seeking a way to vent their simmering rage at one another, Kris and David enlist Fake Stan Lee as a conflict counselor and throwdown-ajudicator. Also, ageist personal ads, public-access hotties and listener raps.
  11. Tweet Me Harder BONUS: Simple Machines (Straub version)2009/08/13
    Kris Straub's entry in the Tweet Me Harder Episode 10 'Simple Machines' face-off.
  12. Tweet Me Harder BONUS: Simple Machines (Malki ! version)2009/08/14
    David Malki !'s entry in the Tweet Me Harder Episode 10 'Simple Machines' face-off.
  13. Tweet Me Harder BONUS: Simple Machines (Fake Stan Lee version)2009/08/14
    Fake Stan Lee provides his own entry for the Tweet Me Harder Episode 10 'Simple Machines' face-off.
  14. Tweet Me Harder BONUS: Spittin' Freestyle2009/08/15
    Kris and David knock back some rhymes behind the high school while G's play B-ball on the other side of a chain-link fence.
  15. Tweet Me Harder 11: Meal Pipe2009/08/19
    Kris and David wonder if they are alone in the strange things they do. Also, sinister dragons and the introduction of Poll Me Harder, with a spirited discussion on the order of operations at mealtime.
  16. Tweet Me Harder 12: The Eye of Jupiter2009/08/26
    Kris and David examine a soup analogy, ponder the accomplishment expectations of inanimate objects, and in Poll Me Harder, ask how many people perform elaborate rituals to protect themselves from supernatural threats.
  17. Tweet Me Harder 13: Man-Cougars2009/09/02
    Kris and David wonder about job prospects for liberal-arts majors and other unmarketables, debate mammalian venom, and in Poll Me Harder, discover whether it's common to condition a dog to eat boogers.
  18. Tweet Me Harder 14: Belt Locks2009/09/16
    Kris and David hypothesize about food science, hear an update from the caller whose dog has come to love boogers, detail the entirety of Bazooka Joe's sordid history, and in Poll Me Harder, crack open the mythos of fortune cookies.
  19. Tweet Me Harder 15X: Snail Diapers2009/09/24
    Kris and David tackle fancy ketchup, I think french fries...something about a snail...maybe...?
  20. Tweet Me Harder 16: Free on Craigslist2009/09/30
    Kris and David discuss the perils of moving, and have problems abandoning unwanted stuff on Craigslist.
  21. Tweet Me Harder 17: Man of the Fiscal Year2009/10/01
    Kris and David tackle issues of sanitation, the transmission of food across great distances, the sterling human responsibility to award trophies to oneself, and the crapshoot that is generic-brand consumer products.
  22. Tweet Me Harder 18: Lightning Bag2009/10/15
    Kris and David explore mollusk retreats, lies we tell ourselves about lightning, figure out why we don't delete old MP3s, and in Poll Me Harder, unravel the motivation behind folding your T-shirts versus sealing them between glass plates.

  23. Tweet Me Harder 19: Wine In, Wine Out2009/10/23
    Kris and David recall sordid tales of pseudo-stalkerish romantic behavior, back in high school when that stuff was basically encouraged. Also, capricious zephyrs, truck wallets, and in Poll Me Harder, a question about eating alone.
  24. Tweet Me Harder 20: Capital Investments2009/10/28
    Kris and David discuss the cold autumn weather, take several Poll Me Harder calls, and tackle environmental issues. WARNING: This episode is not for the faint of heart -- it contains CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP.
  25. Tweet Me Harder 21: Eggnog Code Red2009/11/03
    Kris and David debate Care Bear typecasting, thoroughly answer a listener's call about how to deal with self-righteous genies, die on Facebook and solve mysteries in the far future.
  26. Tweet Me Harder 22: Third Fist Technique2009/11/09
    Kris and David defend themselves from hooligans, start a new bus line, and mentor aspiring podcaster Christopher Hastings, who has ambitious plans for a dog-centric program.
  27. Tweet Me Harder 23: Obsidian Lawn Service2009/11/09
    Kris and David discuss the importance of an attractive coat, reinvent the lawn-care industry, bequeath their foolproof method for handling stress, and unveil the Tweet Me Harder Premium Exclusive Diamond Club.
  28. Tweet Me Harder 24: Trunk Brake2009/11/12
    Kris and David gain a deeper understanding of Kris' internal organs, explore the evolution of dancing, and come to grips with the finer points of sponsorship and contract law. Brought to you by Emirates Capital Investments.
  29. Tweet Me Harder 25 (VIDEO)2009/11/14
    A QuickTime video of TMH Live, on stage in Hollywood, CA! Featuring special guests Fake Stan Lee and Real Dave Kellett. Kris and David fear spiders, reinvent mobile banking, infuse everything with vitamins, choose their ghost rules, and visit the Voltrons.
  30. Tweet Me Harder 25: Phone Van2009/11/14
    The first-ever TMH Live, on stage in Hollywood! Featuring special guests Fake Stan Lee and Real Dave Kellett. Kris and David fear spiders, reinvent mobile banking, infuse everything with vitamins, choose their ghost rules, and visit the Voltrons.
  31. Tweet Me Harder 26: Satellite Phone2009/11/17
    Kris and David talk about trailers, the seamy side of advertising, and David receives a few polite guidelines from Emirates Capital Investments. Emirates Capital Investments: Where the hawk strikes, money flows.
  32. Tweet Me Harder 27: Party Pup Poundcast2009/11/21
    Christopher and DJ Gordon's Party Pup Poundcast welcomes special human guests Kris and David, who discuss frisbees vs. tennis balls, take over doggy show duties, and invent a new form of rabies.
  33. Tweet Me Harder 28: Spiderers2009/12/02
    Kris and David weave clothing with spiders, decide whether to eat food off the floor, blaze trails in the treatment of mental illness, and come face-to-face with the international financial mogul who owns the rights to Tweet Me Harder.
  34. Tweet Me Harder BONUS: The Lost Episode 152009/12/10
    Kris and David talk about types of the sun's energy and their application, plus upscale french fry restaurants, and David seems to suffer from selective amnesia for the duration of this correctly-edited-by-Kris lost episode of Tweet Me Harder.
  35. Tweet Me Harder 29: Chemical Pajamas2009/12/16
    Kris and David delve into the invention of chemicals, learn why exercise keeps us in shape, uncover secret childhood wishes, and discuss the origins of the most festive time of year: Lightningmas.
  36. Tweet Me Harder 30: Unicorn Printer2009/12/29
    Kris and David explore phone trees, flay people in the name of science, take a stab at speculative living, and answer the question 'when is a hobo truly a hobo?'
  37. Tweet Me Harder 31: U-Boat House2010/01/06
    Kris and David eat hot lunch, review junk mail, play with stickers, decide on appropriate hats, sketch criminals, build their ideal houses and assemble a Winnebago armada.
  38. Tweet Me Harder 32: The Meat of Human Approval2010/01/13
    Kris and David enhance security footage, solve their parking woes, uncover the deadly Flowbee conspiracy and anticipate the Hybrid Man.
  39. Tweet Me Harder 33: Anti-Feng Shui2010/01/21
    Kris and David put time in with palindromic years, late-night holiday DJs, psychic energy, snack chip flavor conspiracies and discover a new way to harness the body's energy.
  40. Tweet Me Harder 34: Horseless Carousel2010/01/27
    Kris and David put robots to work, unlock the spelling science behind supplements, bond over a common fear, and Kris talks to David's mom to determine the veracity of David's 'Bitten Beans' story from TMH31.
  41. Tweet Me Harder 35: Safety Aliens2010/02/04
    Kris and David give each other platonic workplace massages, chow down on vegetable wax, revolutionize ice cream, praise vagueness in fiction, and David's mom discovers Tweet Me Harder.
  42. Tweet Me Harder 36: Painter of Fright2010/02/11
    Kris and David uncover the terrifying hidden meaning behind Thomas Kincade paintings, Kris says goodbye to his window-cataloguing project, and David's mom continues to have opinions about Tweet Me Harder.
  43. Tweet Me Harder 37: Comprehensive Family Feud2010/02/18
    Kris and David survey the entire planet, throw surprise parties, make enemies of archers, tell long-winded stories of fruitless correspondence, and David's mom thinks the boys are doing a good job.
  44. Tweet Me Harder 38: Hemp Hammock, Sea Salt Soak and Beyond2010/02/25
    Kris and David bear terrified witness to Bed, Bath and Beyond knockoffs, stratified mind-altering gases, smoothies, ozonated child labor and the world's tallest man as David undertakes his own exploration.
  45. Tweet Me Harder LIVE in Seattle, March 12!2010/03/03
    Kris and David are coming to Seattle, Washington on March 12! See for full details.
  46. Tweet Me Harder 39: Corpse Glass2010/03/04
    Kris and David go on an undersea adventure, search for the cure to a shattering illness, throw themselves headlong into stones, and David's mom appreciates literature.
  47. Tweet Me Harder 40 (VIDEO)2010/03/12
    Stunning video footage from the TMH40 performance in Seattle, WA shot LIVE in front of a capacity crowd!
  48. Tweet Me Harder 40: Gargamel's Sword2010/03/12
    Kris and David address the multitudes at TMH LIVE Seattle, explaining the secrets of cobblers, testing the knowledge of audience members, appraising valuable antiques, and revealing the Church of Tweet Me Harder.
  49. Tweet Me Harder 41: No Spiders Allowed2010/03/23
    Kris and David explore a world of disposable reading material, ships of insects, and how to stay on top of your to-do list with memory-enhancing techniques. David also reveals a dark physical secret no one has ever heard of before.
  50. Tweet Me Harder 42: The God of Atheism2010/04/01
    Kris and David solve listeners' troubling medical mysteries, revitalize the American penny, figure out why Kris' calcified wrists are secretly killing him, and discover an instant 'in' with Jehoovah. A classic Tweet Me Harder!
  51. Tweet Me Harder 43 (VIDEO)2010/04/17
    QuickTime video of TMH43 in Chicago, shot LIVE at the Sheraton Hotel.
  52. Tweet Me Harder 43: Corndog Paninis2010/04/17
    Kris and David address an audience of themselves at TMH Live Chicago, broadcasting from the lovely Sheraton Hotel. The lads roll with punches, hold a trivia contest, and in Ask Me Harder, explain all about Chicago politics, electricity, and the old-time pillow-gifting custom.
  53. Tweet Me Harder 44: The Exotic World of Meats2010/04/21
    Kris and David eat mice and other rodents whole, consider pet ownership, wonder about tapeworms, and prevent cataclysm by conjuring lost dinosaur energies while David's mom thinks her son dislikes her cooking.
  54. TMH LIVE in Boston PLUS TMH Meetup!2010/04/28
    Meet Kris and David at TMH Live at ROFLCon on Saturday, May 1, or attend the TMH Meetup at the Asgard on April 30! Also introducing: HEY WORLD HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS, the very first TMH book!!
  55. Tweet Me Harder 45 (VIDEO)2010/05/01
    QuickTime Video of TMH LIVE in Boston! Kris and David probe the world's finest minds on the MIT campus in Cambridge, MA, imparting wisdom from the year 4000. The time-traveling duo examines bee armor, clones musicians, requests injections, and explains how fat is money.
  56. Tweet Me Harder 45: Moneycubes2010/05/01
    Kris and David probe the world's finest minds on the MIT campus in Cambridge, MA, imparting wisdom from the year 4000. The time-traveling duo examines bee armor, clones musicians, requests injections, and explains how fat is money.
  57. Tweet Me Shorter: Ballroom Overlord2010/05/08
    David's mom remembers a heady young David, while Kris seeks a higher education; also, the shocking secret behind Master Chief.
  58. Tweet Me Harder 46: Torquequake2010/05/13
    Kris and David make inroads in battery safety, identify the most rueful metals, join the Zeppelin Advisory Board, fill balloons with the elements, and may in fact be dreaming. Also, David starts to resent Mom Me Harder.
  59. Tweet Me Harder 47: Hot Dog Harmonica2010/05/30
    Kris and David's mom explore a world of magical thinking, driving woes, and discover the true meaning of being stung by insects whose only goal is to steal your summer meats. Plus, how do you take your hot dog? The wrong way, probably.
  60. Tweet Me Harder 48: Entrepremurderers2010/06/10
    Kris and David unpack everything there is to know about the Hamburglar, start a murder franchise, learn about crowbars, explain at furious length how the TMH book will benefit your life, and David attempts revenge on Kris for inflicting Mom Me Harder on the show.
  61. Tweet Me Harder 49: Paper Towel Time Machine2010/06/16
    Kris and David solve more listener problems, dig into a world of erroneous assumptions made, revitalize the sack-lunch industry and learn something about beeswax.
  62. Tweet Me Harder 50 (VIDEO)2010/06/23
    QuickTime video of TMH LIVE Portland! Kris and David insulate your attic from ghosts, incinerate your childhood keepsakes, sell you a bat on a pizza and eat spoiled foreign food for your amusement.
  63. Tweet Me Harder 50: The Most Disgusting Astronaut2010/06/23
    Kris and David report live from the TMH book release party in Portland, Oregon, going the extra mile to insulate your attic from ghosts, incinerate your childhood keepsakes, sell you a bat on a pizza and eat spoiled foreign food for your amusement.
  64. Tweet Me Harder 51: Helpful Damage2010/06/30
    Kris and David hijack celebrity Twitter feeds, ponder the saga of Weird Old Doctor vs. Young Kurt Straub, dig into listeners' irrational fears, and reunite the United States.
  65. Tweet Me Harder 52: A Carrier for Handsomeness2010/07/07
    Kris and David unearth the history of modern card games, analyze David's obsession with frugality, and discover the truth behind the male-pattern butt-chin.
  66. Tweet Me Harder 53: School-Bus Surgery2010/07/14
    Kris and David solve the problem of chronic lateness, make major breakthroughs in self-administered internal medicine, uncover the bird conspiracy to murder old ladies, and finally win The Game.
  67. Tweet Me Harder 54: Bargain Sod2010/07/29
    Kris and David investigate the fluid content of books, probe the mysteries of a sinister housing development, commit crimes to promote movies, sell illicit beverages from their treehouse and make an enemy of R.L. Stine.
  68. Tweet Me Harder 55: An Appreciation of Tubes2010/08/04
    Kris and David expand their tube-delivery business, get vaccinated against health, give an infant the 55-year-old arms of a murderer, and David quests after a free haircut.
  69. Tweet Me Harder 56: Bad Machinery2010/08/11
    Kris and David stare down the promise of immortality, defer their physical pain, hear tales of machinery gone awry, and world-famous fanfic author John Allison has a rare treat for the fellas.
  70. Tweet Me Harder 57: Snowman Scarecrow2010/08/18
    Kris and David get rid of product packaging, throw a salad-dressing party, run in terror from the wild zamboni, tell tales of problems with sports, and famous fan-fiction author John Allison continues his TMH epic.
  71. Tweet Me Harder 58: The Knowledge Hummingbird2010/08/26
    Kris and David spar off on big-city values, consider a world in which glass was never invented, get Facebook to predict their moods, and John Allison's TMH fan-fiction epic takes a dark turn.
  72. Tweet Me Harder 59: Largest Sheep Heap2010/09/02
    Kris and David consider commissioning a TMH mascot, marvel at the Dry-Erase Guild Society's inventive goings-on, hear listener tales of Forgettable Adventures, and John Allison's TMH fanfic reaches a fever pitch.
  73. Tweet Me Harder 60: Knife-Wielding Duck2010/09/15
    Kris and David flee hazardous weather, consider sustainable ways to melt frozen blood, become modern equivalents to swordsmen, use drill-bits as their sigil, and John Allison's TMH fanfic reaches its nail-biting conclusion.
  74. Tweet Me Harder 61: Kevin Me Harder2010/09/21
    When Kris is late showing up for the show, Kevin McShane steps in to help David out. The upbeat pair wackily discuss doorknobs, gas ovens, and the Internet!
  75. Tweet Me Harder 62: Future-Pangaea2010/09/22
    David and guest-host Dave Kellett explain the weather inside a blimp hangar, the hidden hazards of working with Post-It glue, the joy of being a hobbyist actuary, how the Slavs do the Amber Alert, and where the heck Kris got off to.
  76. Tweet Me Harder 63: Delicious People2010/09/30
    Guest host Colleen AF Venable joins David to describe the afterlife of mac-n-cheese, how to deal with sweet or savory individuals in a post-racial society, and what to feed an electric water snake. Meanwhile, Kris lives it up in fancy-pants Europe.
  77. Tweet Me Harder 64: Flamingos Come Free2010/10/06
    David and guest host Chris Hastings unpack the parochial history of roller-coasters, the pressure not placed on pets to be ethical, prospects for the Smithsonian Sneezing-Animal Emporium, and come to a conclusion regarding the safety of European hospitals.
  78. Tweet Me Harder 65: Lord of Greentown2010/10/10
    David turns to European drilling-platform sovereign John Allison for clues to Kris's whereabouts. The two debate the fashion choices of dictators, the sometime necessity of proxy hugging, the importance of choosing one's stamp-mate, and how many watts of music power TMH can muster.
  79. Tweet Me Harder 66: Malaria-Induced Machete Murders2010/10/25
    Kris, trapped in a nightmarish foreign problem-hospital, grows increasingly frantic as David thwarts dangers of his own en route to his rescue. Also, a solution for safely fireproofing homes, Kevin McShane steals a helicopter, and we finally learn the Greentown-kroner-to-hotdog exchange rate.
  80. Tweet Me Harder 67: Cesium Lick2010/11/02
    Kris and David create a sham conservatory for diseased wild animals, examine the quantum state of stuntmen, find the best seats in the movie theater, decry foreign languages, peer into buildings, and compare notes with Kevin McShane regarding the events of the last few weeks.
  81. Tweet Me Harder 68: Rhubarb Ahoy2010/11/11
    Kris and David broadcast LIVE from the 2010 New England Webcomics Weekend after passing the audio signal through the voice box of an abandoned Russian submarine and letting a squirrel sit on it for a while.
  82. Tweet Me Harder 69: Large Hot Dog Collider2010/11/18
    Kris and David crack the code of hobby horse classification, bodily organs of a different kind, designer bacon, Deaf Coca-Cola, and bring it all home with hot dogs.
  83. Tweet Me Harder 70: Why Are You So Problem2010/11/23
    Kris and David compare products to their marketing, make everything out of potatoes, and in Ask Me Harder, determine the best joint for macaroni, probe the sleep of the genders, and isolate the Dorito spice.
  84. Tweet Me Harder 71: Unfrozen Caveman Vampire2010/12/02
    Kris and David reveal the elaborate plots of the undead, spend time alone in their room with carpet samples, write a bestselling book to blow the minds of tweens, and endure relationship problems stemming from being a fish-man and a werewolf respectively.
  85. Tweet Me Harder 72: Shout the Lights On2010/12/08
    Kris and David try for the full sensory cycle with this rousing discussion of smell-tuba concerts, advances in home illumination, the best way to sneak out of jail, incredibly intuitive explanations for global warming, and how to get to know your neighbors. Plus, David describes his past as an art forger.
  86. Tweet Me Harder 73: Collectible Cracker Game2011/01/05
    Kris and David discover why marbles went out of fashion, realize exactly what the snack-food industry has long been hoping that someone would, use stock-car racing to make important scientific discoveries, and tell the waiter to hold the magnets, please!
  87. Tweet Me Harder 74: Great Grand-Doctor2011/01/21
    Kris and David raise children in a webcam-equipped dungeon, make every snapshot a prize-winning piece of journalism, abandon soap for good, learn what makes the best rodeo clowns so good, and grow dinosaurs in their sinuses.
  88. Tweet Me Harder BONUS: Cutting Room Floor2011/02/20
    In this collection of deleted bits from prior Tweet Me Harder episodes, Kris and David make the perfect sound effect, defend their parking preferences, comment on the President, and flee from the law.
  89. Tweet Me Harder 75: A Receding Horizon of Perfection2011/03/22
    In the series finale of Tweet Me Harder, Kris and David revitalize the -trix suffix for all professions, explain their own fathers' podcast catastrophes, explain what keeps corpses from floating off into the atmosphere, and finally close the causality loop.
  90. Tweet Me Harder 76: Truck Toilet Horn2012/01/11
    Kris and David endorse cereals, hack the Twitter character set, explore euphemisms on television shows, speak the language of adulthood, and plumb the meanings of names.
  91. Tweet Me Harder BONUS: Book Disguises2014/04/24
    Kris and David decide that normal books are boring and insufficient, and instead set out to BETTER the world with the invention of strange and marvelous BOOK DISGUISES.
Tweet Me Harder
The world's first, best, only and last talkback-enabled interactive audio podblast with Kris Straub and David Malki !